Never have I struggled so much to write one of these, but I am so in the weeds with this one. I’m so deep in the medicine of this New Moon that I am resisting my resistance! It makes me doubt my message when I’m so deep in the mud because I think maybe that is clouding the collective truth. Maybe my truth of this moon is making it hard for me to see how the energy is affecting the masses. But I’ve been sitting here “trying” to write what I think you might want to read and I’m coming up with nothing. So I’m going to take a chance and I am going to write my truth and I’m going to hope that the people who find this are the one’s it resonates with. PS. I think this is exactly what the Emperor wants…..
This New Moon in Aquarius is taking us back. Back to old pain we thought we’d resolved. Back to old versions of ourselves that fill us with shame. Back to the murky parts that we’d love to forget, pave over, never see again. The daddy issues, body dysphoria, sexual traumas of our past. Believe me, I don’t want to do this either. In fact, I’ve been putting a lot of energy into not doing this all week, but here’s the deal. WE can either fight this; clench our teeth, engage in escapism, and wait until the next astrological invitation to look at this -OR- we can change the narrative. We can’t change the past, but we can change the story we tell ourselves about it.
I invite you into my shame (or at least a part of it), not to elicit sympathy, but to show you my underbelly. Perhaps my vulnerability will inspire yours. Here we go, I stayed in a marriage that was KILLING my soul for six years. I jumped through hoops for that person and lost who I was. I did things that make my stomach turn because I was so desperate to be loved. The part of it that I’m ashamed of is not what I did necessarily, but how deeply I lost myself during those years. How completely I convinced myself that the life I was living was what I wanted. THAT is what fills me with shame. Me, the girl whose name means truth, had no idea who she was.
And this moon, this time of darkness and new beginnings, it's taking us back so that we might move forward. So that we might be able to write a different story about our past or heck maybe about our present. There is one thing I am sure of, there is no hiding. The emotions are coming forward in waves, anger, frustration, doubt, fear, sadness, loss. All of it coming forward so that we can evaluate what is true and what is not. If you are feeling triggered, angry, resentful, and lost, you are not alone. Life isn’t easy, it isn’t supposed to be. It’s supposed to be real and messy. We are here to get mad about things that matter to us so that we can be strong enough to speak our truth. We are here to cry about the things that hurt us so that we can know with certainty what really matters. We are here to feel all the feelings, that is the greatest gift of being human, but dammit it’s hard as hell sometimes.
What if this time, we can change the narrative and rewrite the story and move past the things that bring us pain and step into our power to create the change we need.
New Moon Invitations:
Please be gentle with yourself. We do not need self-judgment on top of whatever else is coming up.
Free write, angry write if you need to. Basically, this means get some paper and a pen and write ALL the things that are going on in your head. Don’t worry about punctuation or legibility. Just move it out of your body.
Set an intention of forgiveness. Whether you need to forgive yourself or someone else in your life (or no longer in your life). Set the intention to let it go and free your heart.
Lastly, listen to that whisper inside of you that knows your true worth, because your soul never lies.
Thank you for reading this and helping me be brave enough to be honest.
My next Women's Moon Circle is February 2nd, 6:30-8:30 at Shilo Farm. Register HERE
Read. Relate. Repeat.
My hope is through my words, through my own experiences, you will relate to some piece of my story. Some desire that I've shared or insecurity I've admitted to will also belong to you. My words are my truth, but they may also be yours.