Love is a choice

Sometimes we act like love is this mysterious, all-encompassing force that lies out of our control. When we fall in love romantically it can feel this way. It can feel like we’re spinning in circles and the only constant is the fiery desire we feel for that other person. More often than not though, that intense feeling burns out, leaving us disappointed and confused. “Is love up to its old tricks again? Disappearing on us just when we thought we finally caught it?”
Yes and no. If you believe love exists only outside of you, you will always be chasing it and it will always remain just slightly out of reach. However, if you come to realize how deeply love exists inside of each of you, you will never go a day without it. It’s easy to love our lives and love ourselves when things are going well. When we are at the ideal weight, have the ideal job, the perfect balance of fun in our lives, those are the moments it’s easy to be in love. And yet choosing love when things aren’t going the way we might like, that’s the real choice.
When you think of the qualities you’d want and expect in a partner, would you want someone who only loves you at your highest? Yet, isn’t this how many of us approach self-love? If your self-love is conditional, you are telling yourself you are only worthy of love when you’ve met certain criteria.
This is why I say love is a choice. We wake up every day and have a choice, the choice to love and accept ourselves for our perfect imperfections or the choice not to. Choosing love seems like the obvious option and yet it may not be as easy as it sounds, especially if you’ve spent years not choosing to love yourself.
So where do you start? How do you fall back in love with yourself or perhaps fall in love for the first time? Get to know yourself, romance yourself. What’s your favorite flower? Buy it and proudly display it on your counter. Ask yourself the questions you want to know. What is a cherished childhood memory? If you could go anywhere, where would you go and what would you do while you were there? It might sound silly, but love doesn’t appear out of thin air, not the kind that lasts forever. It’s built through a series of thoughtful exchanges. Romance yourself, choose love, and your heart will always be full.

This blog first appeared on Daring Spirits Blog February 2017