No one group needs a sexual jump start more than the parents of young children. It is like the Sahara Dessert for many of us and there are about 1,000 reasons why. Let’s be clear, there is nothing sexy about parenthood. You’re exhausted, touched out, everything is covered in an uncertain stickiness, for women their bodies and hormones may be unfamiliar, and on daily basis you are catering to the needs of an egomaniac (developmentally justified, but still). It’s not sexy, it’s not cute and I totally get why many parents just fall into bed at the end of the night, too exhausted for conversation, let alone physical intimacy. While it is completely justified, basically shutting down your sexuality for an extended period of time is not beneficial for your marriage, or your overall well-being.
While I’ve mentioned some of the reasons why sex is off the table, let’s look at why we should put it back on. During a session of love making, your body releases all sorts of “feel good” chemicals, such as Oxytocin, which naturally reduces stress and anxiety in your body, as well as Endorphins which act as natural pain-killers. Studies show sex boosts your immune system, which is a total bonus because kids are known for being quite germy and parents don’t have time for illness. Amazingly, sex, especially good sex, actually boosts your libido. The more you do it, the more you want it. I’m also just going to say it, sex totally counts as exercise. I’m a busy parent, so I’m all for multi-tasking in this way. Now all these reasons I’ve mentioned are pretty much directed at the individual, what about the marriage or partnership, how does that benefit?
It's hard to be mad at someone that just gave you an orgasm. If your partner is annoying you, you know the times when everything they do and say irks you just a little, you need to be having more sex. When physical intimacy and sexual satisfaction is a regular part of your relationship, all those little things that bother you, don’t seem like such a big deal. Sex is a way to show your partner you appreciate them. It’s a large part of what differentiates your marriage/partnership from the other relationships in your life. Most likely, chemistry is a part of what drew you to that person in the first place and reconnecting with that passion can teleport you back to those early days. When you are intimate with your partner, you have the opportunity to block out everything else, to forget for a little while that you’re parents, and enjoy the sensations.
Alright, so how? I’ve sold you on the benefits, both personal and for your relationship, so let’s make this happen. I’m going to make a list because I know you’re tired and I want to give you something concrete to grab onto.
After I started writing this blog I realized I could write a whole book on the topic! I feel so strongly about the importance passion in long term relationships. There are many reasons why partners sometimes move away from shared intimacy with one another. Concerns of uneven desire, miscommunication, or sexual boredom can cause once passionate lovers to withdraw from one another. It is my experience that with a little creativity and a healthy dose of communication, even the most sexless of relationships can regain a major sexual boost.
If you are experiences specifics concerns in your relationship consider a one on one coaching session or look into my new self-guided program Awakening Your Sexuality
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My hope is through my words, through my own experiences, you will relate to some piece of my story. Some desire that I've shared or insecurity I've admitted to will also belong to you. My words are my truth, but they may also be yours.