Sometimes we act like love is this mysterious, all-encompassing force that lies out of our control. When we fall in love romantically it can feel this way. It can feel like we’re spinning in circles and the only constant is the fiery desire we feel for that other person. More often than not though, that intense feeling burns out, leaving us disappointed and confused. “Is love up to its old tricks again? Disappearing on us just when we thought we finally caught it?”
Yes and no. If you believe love exists only outside of you, you will always be chasing it and it will always remain just slightly out of reach. However, if you come to realize how deeply love exists inside of each of you, you will never go a day without it. It’s easy to love our lives and love ourselves when things are going well. When we are at the ideal weight, have the ideal job, the perfect balance of fun in our lives, those are the moments it’s easy to be in love. And yet choosing love when things aren’t going the way we might like, that’s the real choice.
When you think of the qualities you’d want and expect in a partner, would you want someone who only loves you at your highest? Yet, isn’t this how many of us approach self-love? If your self-love is conditional, you are telling yourself you are only worthy of love when you’ve met certain criteria.
This is why I say love is a choice. We wake up every day and have a choice, the choice to love and accept ourselves for our perfect imperfections or the choice not to. Choosing love seems like the obvious option and yet it may not be as easy as it sounds, especially if you’ve spent years not choosing to love yourself.
So where do you start? How do you fall back in love with yourself or perhaps fall in love for the first time? Get to know yourself, romance yourself. What’s your favorite flower? Buy it and proudly display it on your counter. Ask yourself the questions you want to know. What is a cherished childhood memory? If you could go anywhere, where would you go and what would you do while you were there? It might sound silly, but love doesn’t appear out of thin air, not the kind that lasts forever. It’s built through a series of thoughtful exchanges. Romance yourself, choose love, and your heart will always be full.
This blog first appeared on Daring Spirits Blog February 2017
I have always been fascinated by sexuality. It is amazing how essentially the same act can be experienced so differently. There is so much more to sexuality than we’ve been brought up to believe. In a culture that is overtly obsessed with sex, we are barely scratching the surface of this primal human experience. I’ve made it my mission to uncover that depth; I believe that we are all sex Gods and Goddesses, waiting to be unearthed. If you want to have more mind blowing sex with your partner, keep reading. If you are currently single and want to attract a partner to have out of this world sex with, keep reading. If you want to tap into the Divine sexual energy that exists inside of you and harness that energy to create amazing things in your life, keep reading. Sex is not just an act, and it’s certainly not a dirty one, it’s a creative, energetic force, a physical manifestation of the spirit, body, and mind. To empower yourself sexually……
1.Develop and foster a deep love for yourself. Many people bring poor self-esteem, lack of body confidence, insecurities, and damaging past relationships to their current sexual arena. This often creates blocks which can manifest themselves as low sex drive, sex that lacks an emotional connection, or a complete disconnect from our own sexuality. We are incapable of taping into our sexual power if we do not first and wholeheartedly love ourselves.
2.Open the door to Communication. If you are in a relationship, the first step to elevate your sexual relationship is to be able to talk openly with your partner. What do you want? What do they want? How can you facilitate each other’s fantasies? If you are single, talk to your friends, journal about it. Don’t say “ I want good sex” be specific. Call in the exact partner you want, the exact sexual experience you desire.
3.Take initiative. Ladies this one is mostly for you. Please don’t fall into the pattern or idea that it is a man’s job to initiate sex. Do not be afraid to be bold. Now this never means going against someone else’s freewill, always be respectful to other’s relationships to sex. I am sexually aggressive, always have been. I have been criticized for this in my life, being too forward in my desires, and yet I would never change this part of myself.
4.Find the amusement. Sex is fun! Sex is the place we grownups get to play and be silly! I love sex bloopers. There is nothing more amusing to me then when a sexy moment can go completely off course with some drooling, farting, falling off the bed or leg cramps. If you can laugh with your partner at these missteps you know you are on to something good. Let it be fun and playful, and for goodness sakes, don’t take it all too seriously.
5.Practice makes perfect. Want to be a Sex God or Goddess this year. Well practice. Be willing to have mediocre sex on your quest for mind-blowing sex. I personally like having a steady sexual partner, I think this allows for deeper intimacy and possibility for exploration. With a consistent partner you have the ability to really learn and explore your likes and dislikes, and get creative. But whatever floats your boat, just be safe, have fun, and love yourself through it all.
This blog first appeared on Daring Spirits Blog January 2017
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My hope is through my words, through my own experiences, you will relate to some piece of my story. Some desire that I've shared or insecurity I've admitted to will also belong to you. My words are my truth, but they may also be yours.