Never have I struggled so much to write one of these, but I am so in the weeds with this one. I’m so deep in the medicine of this New Moon that I am resisting my resistance! It makes me doubt my message when I’m so deep in the mud because I think maybe that is clouding the collective truth. Maybe my truth of this moon is making it hard for me to see how the energy is affecting the masses. But I’ve been sitting here “trying” to write what I think you might want to read and I’m coming up with nothing. So I’m going to take a chance and I am going to write my truth and I’m going to hope that the people who find this are the one’s it resonates with. PS. I think this is exactly what the Emperor wants…..
This New Moon in Aquarius is taking us back. Back to old pain we thought we’d resolved. Back to old versions of ourselves that fill us with shame. Back to the murky parts that we’d love to forget, pave over, never see again. The daddy issues, body dysphoria, sexual traumas of our past. Believe me, I don’t want to do this either. In fact, I’ve been putting a lot of energy into not doing this all week, but here’s the deal. WE can either fight this; clench our teeth, engage in escapism, and wait until the next astrological invitation to look at this -OR- we can change the narrative. We can’t change the past, but we can change the story we tell ourselves about it.
I invite you into my shame (or at least a part of it), not to elicit sympathy, but to show you my underbelly. Perhaps my vulnerability will inspire yours. Here we go, I stayed in a marriage that was KILLING my soul for six years. I jumped through hoops for that person and lost who I was. I did things that make my stomach turn because I was so desperate to be loved. The part of it that I’m ashamed of is not what I did necessarily, but how deeply I lost myself during those years. How completely I convinced myself that the life I was living was what I wanted. THAT is what fills me with shame. Me, the girl whose name means truth, had no idea who she was.
And this moon, this time of darkness and new beginnings, it's taking us back so that we might move forward. So that we might be able to write a different story about our past or heck maybe about our present. There is one thing I am sure of, there is no hiding. The emotions are coming forward in waves, anger, frustration, doubt, fear, sadness, loss. All of it coming forward so that we can evaluate what is true and what is not. If you are feeling triggered, angry, resentful, and lost, you are not alone. Life isn’t easy, it isn’t supposed to be. It’s supposed to be real and messy. We are here to get mad about things that matter to us so that we can be strong enough to speak our truth. We are here to cry about the things that hurt us so that we can know with certainty what really matters. We are here to feel all the feelings, that is the greatest gift of being human, but dammit it’s hard as hell sometimes.
What if this time, we can change the narrative and rewrite the story and move past the things that bring us pain and step into our power to create the change we need.
New Moon Invitations:
Please be gentle with yourself. We do not need self-judgment on top of whatever else is coming up.
Free write, angry write if you need to. Basically, this means get some paper and a pen and write ALL the things that are going on in your head. Don’t worry about punctuation or legibility. Just move it out of your body.
Set an intention of forgiveness. Whether you need to forgive yourself or someone else in your life (or no longer in your life). Set the intention to let it go and free your heart.
Lastly, listen to that whisper inside of you that knows your true worth, because your soul never lies.
Thank you for reading this and helping me be brave enough to be honest.
My next Women's Moon Circle is February 2nd, 6:30-8:30 at Shilo Farm. Register HERE
Friday’s Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse in Cancer is inviting in all the feels. As a Cancer myself, I can say this sign is known for it’s watery emotions. Cancer’s are often emphatic and care very deeply for those around them. This Full Moon is giving us all permission to sink into the watery depths of this sign. For many of us, we’ve been enjoying the new lighter energy of The Emperor Year, happy to have a respite from the emotionally grinding Year of the Hanged Man we just left behind. This Full Moon will be the deepest many of us have gone since the ball dropped New Year’s Eve.
Here’s what to expect: BIG feelings, as we say in our household. Be prepared to cry at commercials, rage in traffic, and do some profound soul searching. This Cancer moon wants us to go deep with the intention of finding some missing piece. Often we are afraid to “go there”, to those dark shadowy parts of ourselves, because we are afraid of what we might find. But it’s time. All the work we did in 2019 has prepared us to get more real and honest with ourselves. And the invitation of the Emperor cannot be accepted without profound honesty with oneself.
So pull out old pictures, revisit past pains, address any limiting beliefs that you might still be carrying around. It might not be easy, but you will not regret it. This is about growth and realigned, about being best prepared to step into your power in the months ahead.
Cancer’s hold a particular importance to their home life so you might feel especially tugged in this direction. If there is something about your physical home or the inhabitants that needs addressing, now might be the time to face it head on.
How can I best receive the medicine of this moon?
Be gentle to yourself. Be kind. Find the time and space to process what you need to processes without any self-judgement about what is being kicked up.
Surround yourself with your A-team. The people that love you for you, that make you feel seen and heard and validated.
Don’t be afraid of the emotions. Think of them as a catalyst into the next version of yourself. Some fires are meant to be walked through.
Notice how you are caring for your physical body. Are you getting enough sleep? Moving your body in ways that feel good? Eating food that truly nourishes you?
Take some time to journal and/or meditate. Create sacred time to reflect on how you are feeling and what might be coming up.
Get a card reading to further discover any shadows that might need attention.
Howl at the Moon! It might sound silly, but a wonderful way to release pent up energy is to indulge in your wild side!
Read. Relate. Repeat.
My hope is through my words, through my own experiences, you will relate to some piece of my story. Some desire that I've shared or insecurity I've admitted to will also belong to you. My words are my truth, but they may also be yours.